Some of us will know the song from Led Zeppelin: "Good Times And Bad Times".
For those who don't, listen to it. I am sure a bit of electronic guitar and rough voice will give you a bit of a change.
I don't want to be dramatic, but I am asking myself whether bad times are coming or have even arrived already. Times are definitely changing. I am not entirely sure if all of us are aware of it, but some of us do.
On Friday morning I walked to work with loads of questions, doubts and sorrows in my mind. They lay heavy on my chest since Monday. I can feel it. It's close to my heart. What currently is going on with the world is not so easy to take in. A good two weeks ago my company offered its employees to work from home if we wouldn't feel safe anymore to travel to work. I kept going to work, trying to act as normal as possible, keeping up with the hygiene standards as much as keeping up with positive thoughts.
This week though was different. The office got emptier and emptier. On Friday, before I left the house, I wondered whether I should work from home, but then I thought that I managed to go to the office all week long, so why giving up on the last day of the week?
I went in, loads of conversation going on, I couldn't concentrate. My mind went crazy. My chest hurt. And then, at 11am, our boss sent all of us home. That was when I started realising things got serious. We all started chatting, some of us joked around of flying to Bali and "work from home", whilst watching the sun go down on the beach. I decided to go to the shop before arriving home and did what everybody these days was doing: stocking up for the isolation part. I had no idea whether what I bought would last long enough. I couldn't believe what was happening.
When I arrived at home, I had a headache. I still couldn't focus. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, it was almost 2pm. I knew I had to get back to work, because it was still working hours. Being sent home didn't mean doing nothing. So I ate an orange to keep my vitamin C level up and some nuts to get the concentration back. I was too worried to eat something else - what if we would run out of food too quickly?
Once my boyfriend was back in the evening we kept talking about it all. The pain in the chest got stronger. I told him about it. I started panicking. Going slightly mad. Worried. About him, us, my family. Everyone else. The world. And then I got angry. About people who don't realise how serious this all is. The government who tells us to catch it and survive it to build our immune system against it. I got tears in my eyes. I was the same just a day ago.
After a while I calmed down. My boyfriend and I ordered food - maybe for the last time? Soon afterwards I went to sleep. The day was over.
Right now I am sitting at my desk at home, looking out of the window. Not in a coffee shop, drinking a coffee like I would have done on any other Sunday. I suppose that will change a bit for a while. A few days ago I was joking with my colleagues that I would work from a coffee shop if we are banned to work from home. I have changed my mind and am ready to spend my days all day long in the tiny flat. That's why I broke my challenge purposely on Friday and grabbed a chai latte before I left the office building. That was probably the last one for a good while. I also ate chocolate over the weekend. Might be that chocolate will be the last thing we will eat if we run out of food.
That all sounds a bit dramatic, but those thoughts hit me during my isolated weekend at home. The last weekend I stayed home and remember, was in 2018, and that was only because I was so broke, that going outside would just remind me on my empty looking bank account. Now I think it's going to be "normal" to stay at home. Isolated. The good thing I see about being forced staying at home, is having a lot of time to write.
How are you feeling about it all? Are you panicking, are you worried or are you just cool about it? Let me know your thoughts and comment below. 👇
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